Friday, August 21, 2009

What say you?

They all assured me college was going to be mind blowing…….
They were true to their word I tell you…. My mind blew off.
Months earlier I came across an article in the paper related to euphemisms.
The publishers thought it necessary to do so only when poor Carol Gracias { an indian model} had a wardrobe malfunction….{to the lay man that would be ‘she was on the ramp and since the designer was as careless as could be her clothes fell off and the viewers got a show more outstanding than they had paid for…….}
Instead of saying so and so died we gift wrap it {putting things in a nice manner} and tell they passed away. {What were they? smoke???} The smart journalists were of the opinion that it was they who came up with such discreet expressions to put forth something socially disapproved {unclothed women on stage are you know} and death of a loved one {humans generally hate facing the truth they prefer having their bones crushed to talcum powder than do away with their illusions}.

Asinine journos I tell you……..

That fact about our ingenious scribes I only realised when I stepped into ‘college life’…. The seeds for ear catching phrases had started out years before not in the fertile brains of a reporter in a conference room but in the not totally rusty if not well oiled brains of students in college campuses.

“Hey! Did you check out that couple making out there?????? Oooooohhhhhhhhh…….. Gross I tell you…….”
I gave the ever bemused smile of a rookie { euphemism for a fresh out of school individual…….. Didn’t want any expression on my naturally expressive face that would show I understood all of what was being said as much as I understood Shakespeare’s plays. Did I? {Some how the expressiveness never showed up during the bharatnatyam classes I tell you…uggghhh} I forgot about all of that when I reached home since I had more pressing matters in my mind like whether my outfits were trendy enough or not or if I had made the right kind of friends or not..{Adolescence I tell ...Yuck…angst ridden adolescence}

Few months later I was rudely shaken out of my reverie of whether I should tell this girl {called CP for conveniences sake} who would stick around with me despite my easy-to-read face showing that she was smothering me like only a vacuumed chamber could with her constantly lingering around me to bugger off {turned out my face wasn’t animated enough when the time came or she was as blind as a bat}. I turned around to see it was CP herself to my great horror and chagrin {as if she could have any inkling of what was going inside that double number locked head of mine. But like I said my face broke into spontaneous animation when the same was least required of it}

I smiled the most ah-I am- such – a nice –person kind of smile {which apparently works!! That doesn’t mean I am not nice you know} and looked up at her. She gave me her best Colgate-say –cheese smile and pointed out to me two people who I was least concerned about in the world. Luckily for her my not knowing any other people in college made it very easy for me to absorb her absurd behaviour like no one else could. “That girl is a good friend of mine you know” she told me as if it was something that I had been dying to know of after if brad and angie were actually together or not…….. I gave her the same engrossed look I would have given to one of Paris Hilton’s songs {yikes}. “I think she’s going around with that boy. He is also from our parish” she further supplied. I replied with an exaggerated Jim Carrey expression of shock “Ohhhhhhhhh I see!!!!!” My resolve to let her know about my feelings or lack of it towards her became as strong as that of the male protagonist in a romantic flick towards the climax. I was at a loss trying to understand why she would tell about two people going around the campus…… wasn’t it their wish if they wanted to walk?????? I sighed and made my way with her to our next lecture wondering which escape route would prove fruitful from being stuck in a 50 minute lecture with her beside me without hurting her feelings.

I found my chance soon enough as I ended up in a few lectures with total strangers of which CP wasn’t a part. Over time I started hanging out with few of the same people during the lunch break. Very soon her haunting became sporadic like my once in a week sinusitis headaches since she found new friends. I should also say that the two were a pain of the same magnitude. It was once during one of these CP free breaks when my friends had coaxed me to sit in the foyer {basically the canteen though I still have no clue as to why its is called that} which was supposedly a happening place {which means lot of noise &crowd} and one where CP didn’t like to come that I learned the meanings of all those phrases that sent my brain working over time in the past. My friends had a conversation which illuminated the dark world of ignorance {according to me its innocence} that I inhabited.
My friend Mads started laughing at the ridiculous spectacle of two girls hugging each other squealing at the top of their voices at a pitch I am sure must have set off all the dogs in the area into madness. She then said to my other friend Jovi
Mads: “Weren’t these two involved in a showdown last week?”
Jovi : “ yeah! A was mad at B because she caught her making out with the same guy she was going around with. It was big time PDA I hear!”
Shrut: “and now they are making up???????”
Bevy: “yeah! These townie chicks are just like that……. Unpredictable.

So the smart quote for today is " Treat a townie's actions like you would treat a politicians"

For all those teen-lingo impaired persons {which I was a few years back} reading the above a simpler version is

Girl A and girl B had a big fight because A saw B publically display physical affection{ it’s the euphemism for kissing and the works} the boy A was in a relationship with{ euphemism for he was her boyfriend}. And B and the boy’s public display of affection {full form of PDA} was gag worthy { which means disgusting}. And as of today the girls are forgetting their differences {euphemism for not hating each other} and have become friends once again. Girls {chicks} from the affluent south side of Mumbai also referred to as town {hence the inhabitants are called townies} always behave weirdly.

Nice huh???? We teens also dig short forms {dig means to love}. And have quite a few ingenious creations to our credit…… PDA was one. Because becomes coz and obvious “bcms” “obvio”. Deadly meant wonderful or really good. So did sexy.

I thought she was a psychotic when Shrut pointed out a sexy pair of shoes to me. When my face betrayed me she started ROTFL {rolling on the floor laughing} and told me “FYI it means awesome or great” {FYI is for your information}. We later went to a deadly movie and spent 15 minutes talking to a classmate who was “such a drag” {meaning plain boring} when both Bev and I said "Phew" together Mads giggled saying GMTA {great minds think alike}. Then when we saw that the frigging math lecture {depends whether it’s good or bad on what is frigging, in this case bad} was cancelled until next week we went OMG with delirious ecstasy and moved out when a confirmed junkie { not a junk food addict but a drug addict} crossed our path. On coming out of campus when we saw people from class taking a fag {smoking} we started talking on top of our voices about how smoking was banned by the law in public areas……. I felt the decibel level and exclamation was a little bit OTT {over the top} at which my friends turned senti {sentimental} with pride since I was getting the hang of things. We met another gal pal {friend who is a girl}who was a frenemie {who is a a friend and an enemy} and greeted her with a nonchalant wat's up?? also wassup??? {doesnt mean we are asking her what's above her head or whether she had her supper. It means hi}

Before you all feel beat up {no one is hitting you it means just tired} with deciphering this whole new language let me get back to figuring out what exactly Goth, Jock, Jerk, Dork and Nerd mean…….

Yours deadly,



  1. Its Awesum!!!! I loved it again!!!
    I'd like to correct my earlier comment...even if sisterhood... is my favorite..what's in a name? and what say you? stand together!!!

  2. Kalyani:- Thank you! Finally some one comments here! I used to feel like a mother who's relations admire all her kids except one. You have eased the burden of guilt from my shoulders. Feel free to chose your favourite post!{As long as you praise all of them......hehehee}