Wednesday, December 22, 2010


“Watch where you’re going YOU FOOL!”
“Zipping away like he’s riding a DUCATI on an empty runway!”
We tried to move another step ahead but quickly recoiled back to the safety of that half of the single lane road that was occupied by double parked cars.
“I know an ophthalmologist. Need the number?”
It’s called a Zebra parking, see the white stripes? They didn’t paint it for your wedding. Oh! But how would you, who haven’t seen a horse, KNOW WHAT A ZEBRA IS??????”
“You’re supposed to stop when you see pedestrians at the crossing, ie people like us who have been waiting for the last 15 minutes trying to cross a measly 4 feet road. Oh yes! You stop even if there isn’t A SIGNAL! YEAH, THAT COLOURFUL CONTRAPTION YOU DON’T PAY HEED TO.”
“You know what Bev? Let’s just cross even if it means running the risk of being hit, at least that way we can put them in jail because we crossed at a pedestrian crossing.”

At that precise moment the injured muscle of my right leg from the auto accident gave a painful throb warning me otherwise and to add to that Bev gave me her ‘Shut up and wait woman’ look.

Finally we flagged down a giant SUV, the driver bemused, at seeing two college going girls who looked capable of murder. Luckily for the motorists we didn’t have to spend an eternity perched on the median but crossed the other half of the so called dual-carriageway road in two minutes. To irk us further Sonya had already crossed both the lanes and was waiting on the footpath tapping her feat and beating a tattoo on the dial of her watch indicating how long it took us to reach her. Like we didn’t know already. The Dare-Devil had dashed across the road earlier: irreverent of traffic or death. She has previously been at the receiving end of caresses from buses, autos, cars and a train too! According to her only a plane is left.

As we were dodging vendors selling kerchiefs, toys, lemonade, fake Ray-Ban glares {and wares than I can go describing in humorous detail for months} on the footpath or something that resembled it we were fuming. On a sunny winter afternoon Bev had smoke shooting out from her ears and Sonya and I were doling out endearments I can’t mention in print; she, with a ghost of a smile as always and I, the way they should be.
“It’s all a matter of rules you know!” I hollered, startling an underwear vendor from his reverie about boxers. He looked reconcilably at me, ready to believe that briefs were the best if that is what I thought. I glared at him, challenging him otherwise.
“Nobody follows rules here, everyone thinks it's their in-laws-place and they can do as they please. Inconsiderate nuts."
“ Luck? You seriously think people do as they like there?”
“Ok Sonz, their daddy’s farmhouse, fine?”
“Ooooh! Now that’s one place I’d be at ease at.” I think something about the colour of my face made Bev decide not to go ahead with the joke.
“They shove rule books in your face at banks, hospitals and government offices where they are least required. A transaction that needs a few clicks on the keyboard takes 100 perambulations around the desks of useless officials.”
“You’re telling me?” Drawled Sonya with an eyebrow raised in derisive amusement at the above said organisations.
“Yeah, I’d rather die of a cold” stated Bev in agreement to which I vehemently said “And I’d rather stash my money under the bed than maintain an account in this country.” {Don’t even bother looking for it there}
We walked in silence for sometime stomping the pot-holed footpath violently.

“Oh how I envy the ease of my cousins’ lives in Bahrain!” burst out Sonya
“I miss the orderliness of UAE!” I exploded, having held in that statement waiting for someone else to say it. I’m always sceptical about comparing my foster country and my country and running the risk of sounding like a hypocrite ex-NRI brat.
“No one gives a damn to rules here.”
“But when the same Indians go elsewhere they follow even the dumbest ones to the T.”
“They chicken out when they have to pay up fines, so they won’t spit, litter or over-speed.” Furnished Bev
“Who’ll fine them here in Mumbai? That pot-bellied corrupt policeman?” Chortled Sonya
“But we have to follow stupid dress codes and attendance policies in college. No one knows where to use rules here.” I muttered in disgust.
“You’re right Sonz. Fools make rules here and fools who can’t understand the difference between Christmas lights and traffic signals inhabit and populate this country. And then they have the audacity to complain about 2G scams??????” I fumed, climbing up the stairs to the railway station two at a time to vent out my frustration.
“Yeah Luck, how true.”
“What’s the 2G scam?”
The walk through the platform was spent explaining to Bev all about the scam that rocked the nation.

Wondering why our country can never reach that state where everyone is carefree like Bev,



  1. Hehehe nice one falak! I love when your posts have a dialogue in them...its so funny. This is one is too...n how true! there's a long list of rules ppl here shud be following n a longer list of how they break them! even tho ive not been abroad, i stil envy the order n discipline there when it comes to following rules. this post is SO relatable to indians n particularly mumbaikars!

    i love how ur posts r different frm each other! Thsi ones got a good msg too...what an idea sirjee! :P oh n thnx for making me a character in ur post! :)

    keep writing :)

  2. God!!! Truly amazing... If I had a hat on right now I would have saluted you with it!!!! :)

    You made our really mundane conversation so hilarious (or more hilarious than it was..) through yet another beautiful piece of writing of yours!!!! I was laughing my nut off reading this piece and replaying our entire conversation that morning in my head!!! No wonder you had that grin on your face in the train when you declared you had an idea for the blog... ;) Smart chicka!!!! :)

    As always and as it will always remain, my love for you!!!! MUAH!!!

  3. Wow! Loved the I was reading it I could picture the three of you'll walking and having this conversation...and you brought out the message real well! Keep blogging!

  4. bev: The credit to the idea Mademoiselle goes solely to Sonya and you. Thank You for indulging my little, stupid outbursts and thanks for holding randomly weird conversations with me else I never could write that dialogue bit :)Believe me, every country has it faults when I complain its just the sour grapes syndrome. Not even beloved UAE is picture perfect :P
    Ps: Now tho you're going to be featured more often in my posts (6)

    Sonya: Thank God you don't own a hat! And this is exactly why I was grinning :)Loads of love to you too :)

    Yohanna: Now you know I wasn't lying :) You should have seen us actually! It was a sight :P Thank You!

  5. Hey Falak!!! another hilarious narration with loads of wisecracks... It appalls me even today to see the callous attitude of both motorists and pedestrians alike who don't care about traffic rules... This is when I fervently pray that a busy city like Mumbai gets an opportunity to host events like CWG, Asiad etc...; atleast the city's infrastructure would improve. If only the civic officers and politicians were dutiful; like Delhi, we could also boast of a cleaner and greener Mumbai. Alas, if wishes were horses; beggars would surely ride ;-)

    Readers let me englighten you that even in places like Dubai you get to see buildings with paan-stained walls - so much for following rules.

  6. its so funny............. awesume ya......... i really liked!!!!!!