Friday, November 26, 2010


As children my brother and I used to be overjoyed at the sight of stuffed shopping bags strewn all around the house. It spelt HOLIDAY. It promised us a vacation, new clothes and possessions, and the assured company of our parents and Grand mom for more than the prescribed 6 hours we saw them in a day. While shopping, we’d bump into friends, teachers and other families and have a gala time discussing holiday plans. What to buy for whom, choosing sari’s of myriad colours, soaps cakes, powder tins, cream bottles, jewellery and stacking it all away in suitcases, deciding what to assign to which relative were tasks of priority. Most of the time these shopping excursions culminated into eating out at our then favourite restaurant ‘Super’ which was anything but that. Who cared? The waiters knew our family history and we theirs, they had literally seen us grow up in front of them, doted on us, got us that extra dish without charging and we loved the unhealthy fried rice and chilly chicken. We never ordered. The minute one of the ‘uncles’ saw us our special was ready on the table.

I haven’t seen those people in 2 years. That restaurant has been demolished and a new one is coming up. I’m rambling now, going off at completely another tangent. It’s all beside the point I’m trying to make or maybe it really isn’t. I don’t like the sight of shopping bags around my room anymore. It ultimately means I’m leaving my family or they’re leaving me. I truly abhor shopping and hardly visit the mall that’s only a 3 minute drive from my house.  My friends would kill to live there. I don’t desire new clothes, new accessories, footwear, nothing. I don’t fancy passports and tickets especially when it says Mumbai-Dubai. And I’d kill to eat that unhealthy fried rice and chilly chicken every single weekend despite the fact that I’ll be complaining about piling on the pounds and will be even more under-confident in public that I already am. Do I feel at home in UAE? Honestly there are times when I feel like a Martian, completely out of sync with the drastic transformations in the life I once led, my schoolmates, the people I knew and the places I used to haunt. So if ‘Home’ ceases to feel like home; then does Mumbai feel like home? Can’t really say, because it’s difficult to lead two diversely separate lives. I can choose to adopt one and give up the other but I can’t. My UAE life is who I am and was; and my Mumbai life is who I am and will be/can be. Moreover, like my mother very succinctly puts it I’m a hoarder by nature and can’t let go of easily. So I amble from a set of 6 months to another surviving solely on the short holidays that pop up in between like greenery in a desert, compartmentalising friends, clothes, routines, hobbies and food into two sections: Mumbai and UAE.

My perceptions over the years have changed. Bags of joy now herald the advent of bleak-looking six months, life the way I lived it for 15 years has now been broken up into parts and the mention of fried rice and chilly chicken that made me flash a 250 volt smile now creates saline pools in my house. But I’m trying, trying really hard to change that, achieve a state of equilibrium and merge two disparate aspects of me and ameliorate into a whole, complete person. I hope perseverance helps me to perceive differently.

Meanwhile, seriously contemplating burning off those shopping bags,



  1. love this blog falak! i like how uve shown us 2 separate parts of ur is difficult 2 adjust to a new place esp since u spent 15 yrs of ur life in uae...inspite of 4 yrs of practice, ur kinda stil wondering wer u truly belong...but i like d positive attitude wid which u end this in 2 different worlds is hard but if u wanna make it work u can! n i know u have :D

    truly inspiring blog!! keep it up!!

  2. sorry i meant to say *wid which u end this BLOG! hehehe!

  3. bev:- Yeah, you've kind of got it :)Thanks for the continued faith in me. I figured out what you wanted to say so don't fret :P.

  4. Falak, the lil lamb who has transformed into a brave tigress... We are proud of you girl. I am personally glad that you are making an attempt to believe in yourself and understand that this painful separation is for your better future. I truly feel for all the "Long Distant Mothers" who see their offsprings grow into responsible adults from afar and I feel all the more for the teenagers who accept this challenge and transcend into confident adults. Hats off to "All such Mothers and Teenagers"...
    Once again good job Falak, this will truly inspire other children who go through the separation pangs to fight it out bravely.

  5. Hey falak..... long since i read ur blog...... and the topic is apt for the situation i'm in nw!!!!! and yeah "Super" everything used to be super duper there....! lukin fwd aftr my yr long gap..... and go have an amazing time in UAE!!!!!! though goin 2 UAE gives me thrills..... but the very thot of nt seein the "GANG" makes me cry :((( sob sob!

    anyways bak to ur blog...... very well written......! can truly relate to it...! well done!

  6. Hey Falak..I admire the way you have managed these past few years away from your family... just live in the now and make the most of every moment (wherever you are) because we only have one life!

  7. Lakshmi:- Thanks amma..... XXXXXXOOOOOOXXXXX

    Sparsh:- Its ok, you'll eventually find a way to deal with it. You have to, we all have too. The 'gang'.... hahahaha the 3 of us have gone a long way from then haven't we?

    Yohanna:- :) those wise words are having their effect aren't they? :)

  8. I can strangely relate to this post. I have left Hungary 3 years ago and I haven't been back since because of Izzy's numerous issues. When I think about my life in Hungary, it almost feels like a different me, a different lifetime. Are you really a teenager? You sound so mature and grown up. And you write beautifully.

  9. falak!!!!!!...anothr awsumest post!!!! ur gonna find my comments monotonous but m neva gonna find ur posts so!!!!!!!......freakin incredible!!!!!!...u rock falak!!!!!...luv ya gal!!!!......

  10. Erika:- Have you never visited Hungary since then? Even on vacations? If that is the case then you truly are a remarkable person. And you do a wonderful job with Izzy without family around you? I can't manage alone in Mumbai for more than 6 months. I feel like 2 people are fighting for space within me if I stay put in for longer than that. Please give my love to Izzy and hope the 3 of you have managed to subdue the uprising of the mucus..... Thank you for following me! And the lovely comment :)
    I assure you I'm a teenager. In fact I turn 19 next week :)

    Jovi:- Awwww....Jo! You always say lovely things.... Stop it! hehehhehe thanks a ton jojo.

  11. Hey Falak,

    Reading your latest post,I really feel for you and I hope you can soon call some place 'home'!

  12. Anonymous:- If your new to the blog Thank You so much for taking time to visit my blog and comment. If You've been reading much ado for sometime now then Thank You so much for your kind words and Welcome Back!

  13. hey Falak,
    first of all congrats on writing such a blog.
    It was an eye catching and a mind boggling sort of blog..truly loved it and trust me had to read each line of it with great interest.....
    keep it up!!!!cheers!!

  14. @david:- Thank You for visiting the blog and leaving a comment :)