Sunday, December 29, 2013


A.S.- This is being written at work.Oh, for the uninformed- yes, I've entered the working world. But I’ve been slogging my arse off for two months without pay or necessary appreciation, so god help me, but a redirection of my creative energies to my own pursuits is deserved by this publication. I could do worse in retaliation but I’m not.

Have you ever had that feeling? The one where you’re really, really hungry because you’re supposed to be fed by someone who isn’t doing it but is very inconsiderately carrying food to others behind you (because you’re sitting with your back facing them) and your stomach’s growling. Growling because the smells wafting around, yummy food smells has triggered the hunger centers in your brain which have in turn activated the acid refluxes of your stomach? Because at this point your stomach is co-relating the smell to expecting a sizeable amount of food to reach it via your gullet. But it isn’t getting any (pun unintended) so the corrosive acids eat away at the tender cell lining of your stomach and you feel like, well, shite. That’s irony at its best. Excretion without any ingestion.
By this point of the post if you haven’t realized that I was biology whizz at school then honey, you need to stop reading. RIGHT NOW. There's not even a sliver of a chance that you’re not going to understand any of the below jokes then.

Now I haven’t reached that pathetic plummeting level of food craze yet. I will soon, if I keep following in the footsteps of Liz(goddess) Lemon of 30 Rock. All that graphic food description was an analogy. Now depending on what kind of a reader you are, the kind of ironic dry humour you prefer and whether you have the patience at this particular moment of your reading (you could be wrestling cerelac into a 2 year old toddler’s mouth for all I know) you’re either pissed, or your nodding your head in complete agreement going ‘like yes man, we’ve totally been there , we totes get you amazeballs, whatevs.’

Without beating around the bush anymore what I’m talking about is money. So you now replace food with money, eating with paying /being paid (like editors say, use your discretion or like I would say common sense) and just retain the feeling shite part. Apparently, money retains that quality of grub even if it isn’t edible.

Now after you’ve done substituting and your brains overworked from zillions of angry bird/ temple run games and reality television shows (I know what you do every evening because I do it too) has processed the final outcome and if you still feel ‘like yes man, we’ve totally been there , we totes get you amazeballs, whatevs’ then go ahead, nod that head, feel my pain and join me in cursing the revival of colonialism.

That’s a whole nother post.



  1. ‘Like yes man, I've totally been there , I totes get you amazeballs, whatevs’ :P

    So glad you're writing again, Falak! Can't wait for the next post :D

  2. hv fun sloggin ur arse off!